Tuesday, 30 April 2013

You typed in what!?!

A few years ago I was hunting for some ballet tights for my daughter on Ebay. Typing in "Ballet Tights' and selecting "all" as purchase options brought up some surprising results I can tell you!
Being curious I clicked on some of the offers for "well-used and smelly tights" and was amazed and (having a warped sense of humour) amused by the realisation that there are folk out there looking to buy such items and, of course, folk out there willing to sell them.
Slippers
sexy or a turn-off?
Slippers (Photo credit: Wade Brooks)
I found it so amusing that I even whipped out my smartphone at dinner parties and the like for a while to share the news of this thriving market for old, worn slippers, tights and ballet shoes with my friends. Since my friends have equally warped ideas of what is funny we all chuckled at descriptions like; "well-worn", "worn by overweight woman" and even "worn to work in chip shop - very smelly and dirty."
All the listings ended with a solemn promise that the items were genuine sales under Ebay rules and items would be cleaned before dispatch. Yeah right.
I had sort of forgotten about this until playing with my blog stats page today I found I could see exactly what phrases people type into their search engine when they land on my blog homepage.
This should excite the flipflop fans!
"Foot fetish crocs" -really? someone out there gets turned on by those horrid plastic shoes? Whatever floats your boat I suppose. "Flip Flop Fetish" (Altogether now all those whose children attend the same school as mine; "that's an alliteration") Well I love flip-flops but I wouldn't say I had a fetish.
"Cousin has the sexiest shoes" is another weird one. I mean, I'm very fond of all of my cousins but I can't say I've ever given much thought to their footwear....
The odd thing is I haven't actually written much about shoes but obviously the bit I have written is doing very well in the foot fetish charts if the number of hits are anything to go by.
On the same kinky theme one of the blog posts with the most hits since I started blogging is titled "Naked Spa" so I get what they are hoping to see. I'm guessing there are lots of people out there landing on that page very disappointed to find the post is actually about a slightly flabby middle aged mum of 7 and her mate larking about in a very non-sexual way in a German leisure centre. And there are (thankfully) no pictures of us naked.
Sexy Beast
a sexy snail but no blondes
Sexy Beast (Photo credit: gelle.dk)
Another phrase I saw had been typed in which brought someone to my blog was "girls porno blonde hair with the snails". If anyone can enlighten me about this one I'd be glad. The first bit seems quite predictable but "with the snails?" Maybe it's a translation issue?
I suppose there are millions of people out there bored and frustrated with endless variations on what is sexy. Give a large proportion of them access to the internet via laptops, pcs, smartphones and tablets allowing them to trawl anonymously looking for thrills I suppose it's no surprise that pervy search terms crop up regularly - along with the spam fake comments all bloggers have to filter marketing websites for organ enlargement, little blue pills and (oddly) chemie-toilette (?) I spot them, sigh and hit delete, delete, delete.
But I am absolutely bewildered by one phrase listed in my search keywords list
"Christian comedians wore cow print"
The mind boggles!
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