Thursday, 11 July 2013

Murder and Massacre- warning! contains descriptions and images of dead rodents and birds!

Innocent? or mass-murderers?
I am a cat person. I love cats. I currently have three quite elderly felines, a girl, Tilly and the boys, Oscar and Badger.

Since they were adopted in their senior years from two different owners who for varying good reasons could no longer keep them I don't intend to take any responsibility for the fact that my much-loved fluffy balls of catty cuteness are, in fact, brutal cold-blooded murderers.

It started quite recently. I came down one morning to find a cold, dead vole-type creature on the kitchen floor. I called the suspects in. They meandered in through the catflap and looked at me with big Puss-in-Boots innocent wide eyes.
We've had Badger a year and had no bodies so I figured it was one of the newer cats. I spoke sternly to them. "No more presents thank you!"

Then I came down a few mornings later, bleary eyed only to feel my bare foot squelch on something on the kitchen floor. Oh great. Another small mousey thing. Kitchen roll in hand I picked it up and headed outside to the bins. Hmm. Where do you put dead rodents? Green recycling or black general waste? Answers on a postcard please.....

The next day in the middle of the school run madness preparations I heard a chorus of voices from the living room: "Mum! The cat's brought another present in!"
Laid on my rug in what looked suspiciously like the recovery position was another rodent. It only needed an outline of chalk to confirm there had been another murder. Out came the kitchen roll again.
Over the next few days birds and voles appeared all over the place. I still couldn't figure out which cat was the murderer. I began to worry what the bin-men might think if they caught sight of the number of massacred mammals I was disposing of.

Then there was the bat.

The whole family was enjoying a film. In the hall one of the cats was making a really weird noise. Part meow, part yowl. I asked DH to investigate - he called us in to see the tiny bat he had luckily managed to save.
Oscar had caught it so I thought we had found the mass-murderer. I debated putting a collar with a bell on him (to warn the birds he was approaching) but he hates collars and I figured it wouldn't stop him catching mice and bats anyway!
But yesterday morning I went into the kitchen to get an email address off my phone and caught Tilly looking guilty. I bent down to talk to her (I know - mad, but I'm sure they understand) and as a reward for my attention she turned slightly, picked up a half-dead vole she had hidden and dropped it on my foot! I chased her out and added the vole to the graveyard bin and then spent half an hour trying to remember why I had gone into the kitchen in the first place!

Badger
So two out of three cats are heartless killers. OK. But not scabby-cat Badger surely?
Last night I picked up my daughter from her playdate and whilst getting out of the car she announced:"Badger has a present in his mouth!"Sure enough I could see legs and a beak hanging either side of his mouth as he forged a determined path to the back door and the cat flap. I sent DD to head him off and I burst through the front door yelling at the rest of the family to lock the cat flap.
So I was spared trails of bird-gut across the kitchen floor but was just as repulsed by my lovely children who clustered round the back door watching the cat do what cats do until the show ended and Badger was allowed back into the house.

Since the cats spend most of the night coming in and out of my bedroom I am thinking about shutting my door from now on in case this current killing spree culminates with a selection of bleeding not-quite-dead furry and feathery things being brought to me in my bed!

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