Monday, 16 October 2017

In a Grumpy Cat Sort Of Mood.

I don't quite know what I hope to achieve with this blog post but if you can't ramble on and rant slightly in your own corner of the internet then where can you? It's like I'm slumped on the stool at the end of the bar in a dusty pub which smells of stale beer and you, dear readers, are the tolerant yet slightly bored bar tenders. Make mine a double. With a brolly in it.

If you can't be arsed with this kind of nonsense then move on - the next blog post will be much more business as usual. But if you too are feeling a bit meh, pull up a bar stool and join my pity party.

Grumpy cat meme madmumof7.com


I'm in a Grumpy Cat kinda mood. Have been for a while now. Depression? Maybe. More like a bone deep weariness of body, mind and spirit caused by a Fibromyalgia flare up, ongoing issues with planning for the future while coping with the present and a million and one other niggles which together have made me feel like sticking two fingers up to the world.

So why am I turning to the interwebs instead of real live people? I dunno. It feels like everyone is busy with their own shit, are either geographically or emotionally distant, and I just don't have the energy to cope with face to face stuff right now anyway. I'm not entirely sure what help I need anyway. Unless anyone fancies chucking a grand or two at me. I wouldn't say no to that obvs...Money can't buy happiness but it can buy a close proximity of it for a while. Can you spell retail therapy?

It's probably just a takeaway with happy mates and a few early nights and a break from thinking I need. You know. The sort of thinking which creeps up at you at three in the morning when your common sense has gone for a fag break.

Of course my darling husband is as always, there for me. Despite a hectic schedule we always manage an "I love you" or two throughout the day via What's App (sick bags to your left) which helps no end. But I keep saying to him - I'm overwhelmed. I'm over over overwhelmed and I want to stop the ride for a bit and catch my breath.

I end up saying no to stuff I've always managed previously then feel guilty or left out or resentful. I feel resentful a lot nowadays. A simmering range of not fairness hovers over me like a dark aura. Why me? Why us? Why not the crappy, selfish, lazy, thoughtless people whose jammy toast always seem to land buttered side up?

If I say yes I worry about the time and financial cost and effort of whatever it is and often end up wondering why I didn't just stay at home in my pyjamas hiding from the world.

So there we have it. The reason for my lack of enthusiasm, empathy and energy. I simply CBA with adding anymore to my overflowing plate.

Sorry/Not Sorry.




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