BDSM Dating Advice

If you haven't heard of "50 Shades of Grey" have you been living under a rock? The best selling erotic book series which was turned into movie explores the sadomasochistic relationship between Anastasia and Christian Grey and has gone a long way towards making BDSM (bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism) more mainstream and potentially helped those temped to explore their desires take the first steps away from a vanilla lifestyle.

Women in handcuffs holding red rose: Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

An adventurous friend of mine swapped her normal weekend city break with her husband for a night in a dungeon complete with all sorts of interesting equipment. She enjoyed it so much she went back for another night of passion with her beau.

But while suggesting some spice to an existing long-term partner might be easy since you generally have an idea where their tolerances lie, how do you bring the ideas of BDSM practices to a brand new relationship, or look for a potential partner with the same interests as you or find people who want to have fun with couples?

One of the easiest and safest ways to find members of the community is on a reputable dating site like bdsm dating where members can be very specific about who or what they are looking for.

BDSM Dating, legs in fishnets with ankle cuffs. Photo by Artem Labunsky on Unsplash


Obviously BDSM has some inherent dangers - even Mr Grey insisted on using safe words to stop pleasurable pain turning into unbearable agony. If you are very new to the practices it would be very wise to read up on the subject. This expert guide to BDSM for beginners is a great place to start.

You might find there's an aspect of BDSM you didn't know about - it's not all whips and chains you know and sometimes not even sex is involved.

I've joked in the past that I would make a great dominatrix as I am quite bossy and controlling but a dominant/submissive relationship is much more than one person ordering someone about.

People who are dominant or submissive in the bedroom are not necessarily like that in their everyday life which can make meeting someone to fit the role you are looking for quite difficult. That confident bloke at the bar might be a total submissive in his sex life. Again, finding a partner to fit with your fantasy could be just a couple of clicks away on a decent specialist dating site - just search for femdom contacts or maledom contacts and see who takes your fancy.

As with any dating adventure, make sure you stay safe. Obviously during pandemic times your first "dates" might have to be online but soon I hope we will be free to meet new friends in person.

When this happens take sensible safety precautions. You don't have to tell your flat mate you are off to meet a foot fetishist but it would be wise to tell them you are off for a date, where you are going (postcode at least) and what time you are meeting your date. Arrange a safety text or call so they can check you are safe and happy - a genuine date will understand and not be offended by these basic precautions.