Say Cheese? No thanks.

I think, no, I know,  I am the dinner party guest from hell. 
There are lots and lots of things I don't like to eat. Probably more things I don't like than I do. I sometimes wonder why I'm not rake-thin since there aren't many things I do like - trouble is I eat too much of the stuff I like, and a lot of that is not exactly diet food.
Mushy peas 19 july 05
Mushy peas 19 july 05 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Oddly I like a few things a lot of my friends gag at the very idea of. Pork Scratchings. Mmmm. Fried chunks of pig skin and fat, often complete with bristles. Covered in salt. Yum. Mushy peas with added "chip shop" flavour. Fabulous. Mint sauce on anything. Garibaldi and fig roll biscuits - I blame my mother for that. And rice pudding or custard with skin on. Gorgeous.

I avoid salad. I don't mind a bit of lettuce nestling next to my steak but you can keep your tomatoes, vine, beef or cherry, and cucumber is a waste of chewing effort. Celery? No. Just no.

Fruit? Ok but don't try and pass it off as a tasty dessert. Unless you are my friend who teams strawberries with her gooey, divine homemade chocolate brownies and cream. That I'll allow.
But the big no-no for me is cheese. I loathe cheese in every form I have tried so far. And I have tried. I even worked on a cheese counter once and am fully aware that each one is different through the minute subtleties of cheddars through to the wild out-there cheeses wrapped in nettles, stuffed with chillis or with dainty veins of blue mould running through. Gooey, hard, cream or wet, from cows, goats, buffalo or sheep - YUK!
Cheese School 101
Cheese School 101
(Photo credit: niallkennedy)
The only one I like the smell of is the creamy garlicky one. I really wanted to like it. And the only one I can force down under duress, politeness or for sheer lack of anything else to eat in a restaurant is mozzarella topping pizzas. And I can't say I like it. It's just less awful than the others.

I didn't even try cheesecake until I was about 12. I remember being very suspicious even when assured it didn't taste or smell in the least cheesy!

I had to remind myself to introduce cheese to the children when I was weaning them. My eldest loves nothing better than a big chunk of Brie and a pile of biscuits and most days I assemble cheese wraps for lunchboxes or add some cheese-based snack to them. I confess I buy cheese ready-grated as I can't bear doing it myself in case it gets under my finger nails. This way I don't have to touch it at all,  just shake the bag - job done!
I have become quite good at adapting recipes or making myself a cheese free version. I make cheese-free lasagne and when I serve mushrooms with goats or blue cheese I just slap a blog of garlic butter on mine and I look like I'm joining in.

My lovely friends are incredibly tolerant and recently one even called me to the kitchen before she added the finishing touches to the meal she was preparing for our book club so that I could assemble mine from the ingredients I could/would eat!
Another friend will often cook me something completely different to everyone else and provides me with butter at the end of the meal - she know I love cheese and biscuits, as long as there is no cheese with mine!

my kinda food. No salad. No cheese!

To be honest, in a way I'm quite glad I don't like cheese. I list enough fattening and unhealthy choices amongst my favourite foods without adding another one. I have friends who love cheese and have to ration it because obviously pretty much all forms of it are packed full of fat and calories. Unless you count cottage cheese. And who does?
Nope - if I want fat and calories I'll eat creme brûlée thanks. Ooh! Creme brûlée... I wonder if I have any leftover cream lurking at the back of the fridge.....
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