The menopause is a bit like pregnancy. No-one really tells you what it's like 'til it's too late and then the women who've been through it before nod and smile knowingly and then tell you there's worse to come.
I'm going to break the silence and warn all you gals approaching the 'pause. It's a bit crap, putting it mildly. And I suspect I have got away quite lightly.
I'm not going to bore you with the gory "lady garden" related areas. That's for a future post when I feel you are ready and maybe have armed yourself with a small sherry against the horror.
No, todays post will hopefully explain to all those who were watching why, exactly, I was stripping in front of a live webcam in Radio Dacorum's studio yesterday.
I'll pause here while all the pervy Eastern Europeans who boost my stats every week reading "Naked Spa" read this and realise that the dodgy search term they entered which has bought them here because I've used the words "stripping" and "webcam" have not in fact bought them to some enlivening "adult" site but in fact to a middle aged woman moaning about suffering from hot flushes - or flashes if you are in the US!
So. Back to the studio. I was wearing a vest top, a thin cardigan and a snoody, scarf-type thingy round my neck. Jeans, socks and funky metallic trainers. It is January but quite mild but still, I think, appropriate clothing for the current weather.
It was not particularly hot in the studio but still I first ditched the cardigan, then the scarf and was wishing I had brought along my nifty gel-filled neck cooler (Ebay) which comes in the form of a jaunty neck scarf. OK it's not a great look but it cools me down!
I had kind of forgotten about the webcam, and indeed about all my friends and family I had urged to tune in, as well as the regular listeners from all over the UK. It was only when I started getting jokey texts asking if I was feeling hot that I realised they could all see my flushed face and probably far too much flesh.
Before you ask I have tried a few different forms of HRT which helps with flushing, sleeping and restlessness but seemed to make me more
murderous emotionally sensitive and exacerbated my already fairly frequent migraines.
I'm now trying vitamins (cheap ones from Asda) supposedly aimed at menopausal symptoms which protect my menopausal crumbling bones and teeth and are definitely helping most symptoms but the flushes are getting worse and worse. I am told that sage supplements might help but they are so expensive!
However, whether it was my impromptu public strip or my amazing radio skills (or maybe they are just a bit desperate?) I don't know but I am very excited to tell you the lovely folk at the radio station offered to train me and let me loose on the airways every week!!!! Apologies here to my Facebook, Twitter and real life pals who are probably already very bored of this subject!
I'm wondering how soon I can add "Radio Presenter" to my business cards? My children are very proud and my cousin is wondering if she can get away with lurking in her office loos with her phone (the station has an app!) for two hours every Wednesday afternoon to hear me.
So if you've ever wondered what I sound like (think Home Counties with a hint of Black Country voice) watch this space for details of when I go live on air!
In the meantime if anyone has any genuine top tips for free ways to stop the sweats please don't hesitate to comment below - spam and advertising (along with badly composed comments from percy Russians directing me to their dodgy websites) will be deleted though!