Can I tell you a secret? Life's been a bit rubbish lately. Actually this is not much of a secret to a few of my solid friends in the actual three dimensional world but I worry that my online pals might think I've gone a bit stand offish.
I can't go into why it's been a bit rubbish as it revolves round someone else I've been trying to support, but take it from me, it's been properly shit if I'm honest.
We aren't out of the woods yet but I can see light through the trees I think - I'm just hoping we can emerge, blinking, into sunshine and that it's not just a clearing before we have to plunge once again, fearful into the forest. Whatever happens I have vowed to stand behind, beside or even carry the person I'm supporting if that what it takes. I am tiger mom - hear me roar.
Anyway, that's not what I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about happiness because d'you know what - it's always there, lurking behind stress, misery, doubt, fear, whatever.
These negative emotions create a big dark cloud - it can be so hard to imagine it ever clearing but for a short time I have seen the sunshine peeking through and I have hope that actually that old saying might be true.
What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
It's so hard at the time though isn't it. Living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day wanting desperately to control things which are out of control. Wondering if you could have done more, or maybe even less and things might have been different.
Wanting it all to be better - to be able to kiss away adult pain like you used to magic away the pain of scrapes and bumps when our children were small.
But you can't.
Back to the sunshine.
This weekend the sun shone on the bit of England I was in and as always, its light lifted my spirits.
New starts, new ways of being and a positive future seemed possible and I relaxed as I watched my brood enjoying the fabulous weather. I dared to shut my eyes and let my brain slow slightly for a while and I have returned refreshed, recharged and full of hope and determination to resume the battle once again.
It won't kill me - I certainly won't let it kill anyone close to me and we will come out of it stronger.
To anyone else out there my advice would be to talk about whatever ails, share the pain, accept the help. One day I may be able to write about this time but for now, to all my wonderful supportive friends, family members and one junior doctor - Thankyou.
I can't go into why it's been a bit rubbish as it revolves round someone else I've been trying to support, but take it from me, it's been properly shit if I'm honest.
We aren't out of the woods yet but I can see light through the trees I think - I'm just hoping we can emerge, blinking, into sunshine and that it's not just a clearing before we have to plunge once again, fearful into the forest. Whatever happens I have vowed to stand behind, beside or even carry the person I'm supporting if that what it takes. I am tiger mom - hear me roar.
Anyway, that's not what I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about happiness because d'you know what - it's always there, lurking behind stress, misery, doubt, fear, whatever.
These negative emotions create a big dark cloud - it can be so hard to imagine it ever clearing but for a short time I have seen the sunshine peeking through and I have hope that actually that old saying might be true.
What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
It's so hard at the time though isn't it. Living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day wanting desperately to control things which are out of control. Wondering if you could have done more, or maybe even less and things might have been different.
Wanting it all to be better - to be able to kiss away adult pain like you used to magic away the pain of scrapes and bumps when our children were small.
But you can't.
Back to the sunshine.
This weekend the sun shone on the bit of England I was in and as always, its light lifted my spirits.
New starts, new ways of being and a positive future seemed possible and I relaxed as I watched my brood enjoying the fabulous weather. I dared to shut my eyes and let my brain slow slightly for a while and I have returned refreshed, recharged and full of hope and determination to resume the battle once again.
It won't kill me - I certainly won't let it kill anyone close to me and we will come out of it stronger.
To anyone else out there my advice would be to talk about whatever ails, share the pain, accept the help. One day I may be able to write about this time but for now, to all my wonderful supportive friends, family members and one junior doctor - Thankyou.