Is The Grass Greener? Giving Myself a Reality Check.

I've been feeling quite sorry for myself lately. Things have been tough for a number of reasons and it's easy to slip into a pit of despair and think that the universe is out to get you.

Stress levels have been high and I've ended up with an immune system that's thrown up its hands in a hissy fit and basically stormed out of the room leaving me high and dry and apparently vulnerable to every bug going.

After multiple courses of antibiotics and antivirals (this for a woman who normally avoids antibiotics unless absolutely vital) I am starting to feel a little better albeit nervous that it wouldn't take much to tip me over the edge again.


I won't bore you with the details of my stress - dealing with EHCP nonsense, health, stretched finances and double car trouble are among the issues. Nothing we haven't encountered before and coped with but it seems to be the perfect storm scenario which has knocked me back.

Then of course your health is affected, sleep is disturbed, anxiety and panic attacks strike and just "being" becomes overwhelming. Then your work and social life starts to suffer. You feel like you want to hide, take life down to the barest minimum of expectation, to just survive. That's fine if you are single and rich but add in the need to make money and care for a family and there's no wonder I've become a familiar fixture at the GP surgery.

I know I am not alone in experiencing this. Anxiety, stress and depression are all too common and pretty much everyone experiences it at least once (and usually multiple times) in life. Still, when it's happening to you it feels lonely.

Then last night a friend used a common phrase in a conversation which was actually unrelated to any of the above.

He said: "The grass is always greener isn't it?"

He was paraphrasing that old proverb that "The grass is always greener on the other side (of the fence)" meaning that other people's lives or situations always seem better than your own.

For some reason this resonated with me and when I put it together with that other old proverb, "Count your blessings" it brought some comfort and calm to me.

OK so nothing has fundamentally changed. I'm still not sure how we are going to sort out some of the issues we face but compared to refugees in Syria, people in real poverty in tower blocks in our own cities, those facing death or trying to make the most of limited time with those they love, I am lucky.

I live in a gorgeous village. I have an education which allows me to work from home enabling me to be at home for my children while earning money. I have a husband who would never raise his voice never mind his fists to me.

I have amazing friends and family and although I have a limited support network for my SEN child, at least I do have some support, and more importantly, acceptance from most of those around me.

I'd still love to win the lottery. They say money doesn't buy happiness but I still maintain it would help! I'm not out of the woods yet but I feel slightly less hopeless and helpless and that has to be a good thing.


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