Back to School -but not for my angel baby

I am sure I am not alone in remembering the child or children who were lost before they were even born, and I am sure I am not the only one who finds this particular "Back To School" week poignant.

My angel baby would have been starting school this week and unexpectedly I have found this to be a particularly hard milestone.
Rosemary, the herb of remembrance, and the star my friend bought me to represent my angel baby

I am lucky - I have (lots) of healthy living children who drive me bonkers as this week they hunt for PE kit, present me with shrivelled fruit which has spent the summer in their bag and hand over forms which should have been returned weeks ago.

But I can't help feeling sad that I am not posting pictures on social media of what would have been my youngest starting school.

I imagine them smiling into the camera wearing crisp uniform three sizes too big and carrying a book bag which grazes the floor because of their short legs.

I wonder if they would have been excited or nervous about joining their siblings at the local school?

The week is made more difficult as my neighbour and I were due to have our babies very close together. Our youngest would have been in the same class. Her son starts school on Thursday and mine.... well fate, hormones, age or whatever caused my miscarriage means I will forever be madmumof7.

I am very proud to be a mum of 7 and fully aware that some people don't get to take even one child "back to school."

But it doesn't stop me being sad this week.