New Year, New Start? No Thanks.

I get that for a lot of people a new year is the perfect motivation for a new start. Lose weight, stop smoking, get a new job. But actually, if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not.

In many ways I'd rather time turned back so instead of a shiny new and uncertain future I could get back some of the things I've lost and have another shot at making decisions, appreciate my body without the health problems I have now and spend time with people I didn't realise would be gone.

Photo by Maithilee Shetty on Unsplash. Harry Potter Time Turner necklace

Obviously this includes people who have died. I miss my Grandparents, my friend Adrian, my stepdad Dave. I miss their wit, their wisdom and their company.

But I have some fantastic friends who once were geographically as well as emotionally close to me  but have moved away.

Lynn went to Australia, Sue (pictured) back to South Africa, Claudia back to Germany, Jo to Gloucester, Janet to the Isle of Man.... Even my mum is now 2000 miles away.

I know some of these places aren't actually far but time and money is tight and even face to face internet chats are no substitute for a giggle over wine/coffee/gin.

Going back I could enjoy the positives of bringing up seven children knowing what I know now - they soon grow and you end up missing the days of snotty hugs and loud declarations of everlasting love. Shopping for tiny clothes and the joy of Christmas morning when Santa came.

And I could lose some of my anxiety if they were all still relatively carefree little people for whom the biggest worry was wether they would get a "good" biscuit at toddler group. My young adults now face their own stress and worries which largely I can't help them with but as any parent knows it doesn't stop you lying awake at night trying to think of solutions.

2020 is an odd year. My son turns 21 and a friend is getting married, both events I look forward to celebrating. But my autistic son is due to start secondary which I'm anticipating will be stressful for all of us, I have no plans for a holiday to look forward to and my husband has a couple of medical procedures to get through.

I know, the past was not all rosy by a long shot! But there were lots of happy times, sunny days and get-togethers I'd love to revisit as I'm not sure I appreciated them enough at the time.

So Hermione, if you are reading this, spin that pretty necklace of yours and send me back for a bit will you?