When my youngest left primary school a few years ago the staff jokingly presented me with a certificate for "valiant and long suffering service". I completed over 20 years heading up and down with neighbours telling me they loved to see me with my children of varying ages and heights following me like ducklings.
At one point I knew every child, every member of staff and every parent in the school. I even worked there for a while. Then the Covid-19 lockdown brought my youngest's "normal" primary journey to an abrupt end. Year six stopped and started through zoom and distancing but with restrictions the daily playground chat with fellow parents and carers was no longer allowed. We queued at 2m intervals and handed our masked, sanitised children over to staff at the entrance gates and exited through a different gate with no fraternising allowed. Thankfully the children did get their leaver's hoodies and a party organised by one of the mums which made it feel a bit special.
Everyone who has had teens knows secondary school is a very different animal and I hardly know my children's friends never mind their parents. There are a few I've met but the days of coffee mornings and accompanied playdates are over, especially since we live in one of the many satellite villages around the town's secondary school.
There are cliques of course, especially with families whose children attended the bigger town primaries but with class sizes as little as 6 children on our school to be honest mostly the kids were a bit tired of playing with the same couple of village kids. All of mine pretty much started afresh in year 7.
And there are opportunities to get involved and I suppose make new friends through the governing body, "friends of" organisation and fund raising committees. But with disabilities, a large family and autistic children who needed extra attention I just couldn't find the time above what I was already committed to in my village.
Sadly some of the friends I made doing primary school runs have faded away as their children went to different schools or made different friends. Some of my closest friends moved away - one to the Isle of Man, one to Australia, one to South Africa. I'm trying not to take it personally. One of my besties was even rude enough to go and die suddenly and unexpectedly. Adrian, how could you?
But with no playground to loiter in and secondary interactions limited to texting from the car that you are outside (God forbid you exit the car and embarrass your child IN FRONT OF THEIR FRIENDS) how do you make new friends?
I am a WAHM (work at home mum) and since the blogging industry has evolved from gangs of largely friendly mummy bloggers (sorry, I hate the term but it's an accurate description) to fresh, squeaky clean and achingly on trend 20-somethings, I am no longer making those friendly connections online or in person. I am frequently the oldest blogger in the room by some decades and I think may have become actually invisible. I still slay though AND have over 30 years of writing experience and two awards so F***K 'em.
I have come to the conclusion that the friends who are still near and dear to me are such for a reason. They've seen me through triumph and trauma. It's time to stop counting friends (c'mon, you know you do) and giving in to FOMO (fear of missing out) and time to treasure quality over quantity.
I had a Eurovision themed costume party for village friends recently and forced myself to drastically cut the guest list. I looked at the "usual suspects" and asked myself if our friendship was real or a polite habit. And although invites shouldn't be about being invited back, I did have to regretfully acknowledge that some people obviously don't value our friendship in the way I had and thought was reciprocated No invites, not even to a casual BBQ or coffee for a couple of years speaks for itself doesn't it? I hold out hope some friendships might be revived but no point flogging a dead horse eh?
I have made some new connections through elective home education after we deregistered our youngest but we are rather spread far and wide and are of course all busy with HE and all that entails.
I'd like to point out our outfits (below) are fancy dress costumes and not in fact our usual party attire!
The school run might be over but there's a whole lot more of life to enjoy so cull the toxic hangers on, sort friends from acquaintances and nurture those who bring value to your life. And I don't mean monetary. Who would you call when you have good news? Who would you call if your car broke down in the middle of the night in a dodgy area? Who would you want at your funeral knowing they would genuinely mourn you? Who do you really care about?
No-one is perfect of course, including friends. My friend Rachel always says she married her husband because he was the least annoying boyfriend she had. I know I can be hard work and my friends are pretty much all quirky in one way or another but I embrace and enjoy that (largely) and love that they seem to tolerate my eccentricities. They are my friends because they are the least annoying people I have met.
If you are nearing the end of your Primary School journey, don't panic. Life will change but not necessarily for the worst. You might even get a lie in.