We've been married 33 years today (amethyst anniversary in case you are wondering) but there have been times in the middle of the night when his snoring has been so truly awful I have not only considered divorce but actually wondered how long I would have to hold a pillow over his face to make him stop permanently. (I am joking of course!!!!)
Seriously though anyone who lives with a snorer knows the agony of not only the noise but that soul draining silent pause when you hope beyond hope that maybe that's the end of the stertorous sounds.
Anyone checking my search history would spot many visits to sites selling anti-snoring aids. But as an ex-journo I would never buy anything without serious research and what I have surmised is most, if not all, of the gadgets and plasters just don't work. And don't talk to me about earplugs. I have them all from cheap foam things to ridiculously expensive but pretty in ear and wraparound headband styles. His snoring can penetrate almost everything. Which brings me to my first tip.
1.Noise Cancelling Headphones
My over-ear bluetooth noise cancelling headphones have been a life saver. From holidays to sleepovers with friends my trusty headphones have helped me sleep, especially when paired with an app playing white noise or meditations. I use Sleepiest which has free sessions along with a comprehensive paid for collection. They have wonderful bedtime stories for adults which are read in a way to help you drift off to sleep. I've never made it to the end of one. The downside of noise cancelling headphones is of course you can't sleep on your side.
2. The Best Bedding
Most partners of snorers say that if they can get to sleep BEFORE the snoring starts they can often sleep through it. It helps if you are the right temperature and the bed pillows and mattress are comfortable. Actually pillows are very important because some snoring can be prevented by using supportive pillows. I haven't found those so-called anti-snore pillows work for us but a good quality pillow and some attention to how it is placed under his head definitely does.
Also, consider a hybrid duvet which is good to use all year round so you are never woken by being too hot or too cold. We have a lightweight Hybrid Super King size duvet (pictured with cat) which drapes luxuriously over our King Size bed saving either of us from waking due to duvet hogging or restless sleep.
3. Antihistamine
My husband's snoring is so bad we actually went to the GP as I was concerned about the potential risk of sleep apnoea which can be deadly. He prescribed a nasal spray and antihistamines which have really helped. Always get serious snoring, especially the type with a silent break followed by snorting or gasping checked out my your doctor. It has been proved sleep apnoea can decrease life expectancy and untreated sleep apnoea can be life-threatening.
4. Avoid Alcohol
I've noticed that snoring (mine and his) usually gets way worse if alcohol has been consumed. Smoking and sleeping tablets can also make it worse apparently. Alcohol makes the muscles at the back of the throat floppier which leads to that injured elephant noise we know and don't love. There's a couple of things to try if your bed partner has had a drink or two.
Here's some advice from the NHS:"Many snorers only snore, or are worse, when sleeping on their backs. If this is the case, try to train yourself to sleep on your side and use pillows to keep this position. Sleep in the ‘recovery position’ with the upper leg bent up with a pillow wedged between your legs to prevent rolling onto your back. Sew a pocket into the back of a ‘T’ shirt and put something into it, a tennis ball, or even wear a bra back to front with 2 tennis balls. At least if you roll onto your back it will wake you up not your partner!"
Much as I'd like to see my husband wearing one of my bra's backwards I don't think he will go for that. For years I went with the "elbow in the ribs" method teamed with a demand to "roll over!" but now most of our brood have left home we resort to the ultimate anti-snoring fix. Separate beds.
5. Spare Room
A good night's sleep is so important for good physical and mental health, and maintaining good relationships. How can you cope with work, childcare, driving, ANYTHING if you aren't sleeping well? If a snoring partner is preventing you from sleeping this may lead to conflict in the relationship as it's hard to feel anything but resentment towards them, even though it's not their fault. Unless they drank an entire bottle of red wine, then you are completely in your rights to despise them in the darkness.
My late granny had a chat with me and my cousin just before our weddings telling us her secret to a long and happy marriage. She said we should "get the babies out of the way as quickly as possible then move into our own rooms allowing visits from our husbands when appropriate." At the time I laughed about it but now I see the sense in her advice.
If at all possible create a bolt-hole to escape to when the noise gets too much. After all if it's good enough for the Royal family to have separate rooms it's good enough for anyone. No spare room? Maybe buy a sofa bed and stash bedding ready for midnight movement. I've slept in the caravan on our driveway in the past when I've been desperate for some Zzzzz's.
So there you have it - my tips on how to cope with a snoring partner. I hope they are helpful and I wish you a quiet and restful night.