It’s usually only people who enjoy preparation that really want to nail down what happens when they’re not here, because understandably enough, it’s a topic few really want to think about.
That said, losing someone close to you brings enough emotional weight without having to make major decisions about their final arrangements, but that's exactly the situation many families find themselves facing.
Your loved one might have been someone who avoided talking about death entirely, or maybe they just never got around to writing down their wishes before their time came. That often means you’re left trying to figure out what they would have wanted while dealing with your own grief and the practical pressures of organizing a funeral within a few days. Thankfully, you probably know them better than you think you do, and there are ways to approach these decisions that honor who they were without getting stuck by the fear of doing it incorrectly.
In this post, we hope to help you make that transition a touch easier:
Think About Who They Were As A Person
It’s fine if you begin with theirr personality and what mattered to them during their lifetime. Ask yourself if they were someone who loved being surrounded by lots of people, or did they prefer smaller, intimate gatherings with just close family and friends?
Think about their style in other areas of life, like if they enjoyed formal events or casual get-togethers, whether they were religious or more spiritual in their own way, and what kind of music or readings might have resonated with them. Their hobbies, values, and the way they treated others can give you clues about what kind of service would feel right. It gives you a place to start at least.
Ask Family Members What They Remember
Other people who knew your loved one well can offer suggestions you might not have considered, especially if they had different types of relationships with them. These are just examples, but your sibling might remember conversations about what they found meaningful, or an older best friend could share stories about their personal beliefs or things they said they never wanted. Getting input from multiple family members also helps ensure that everyone feels included in the decision-making process, which can help you limit any conflicts later and give people a sense of ownership over the final arrangements. Having a few honest conversations about what people remember will help you make a funeral plan that generally follows the tradition, but with little adjustments they would have liked.
Consider What Would Bring Your Family Comfort
The funeral serves the living just as much as it honours your lost loved one, so thinking about what your family needs right now should factor into your decisions. Your family in particular might find comfort in traditional religious ceremonies that connect them to their cultural background for instance, and some cultures have informal gatherings you might want to follow before or after the event. For instance, an Irish wake or a Mexican velorio are known to be quite important to those cultures, and you could do much worse by following a tradition when you have nothing else to go on.
With this advice, we hope you can more easily deal with a funeral, even if your loved one left no preferences. If you’re going through this process, we’re sorry for your loss.