My youngest is now 17 and my grandson isn't visiting for Christmas this year and I suddenly realised that for the first time in literally decades Santa will not be popping down our chimney this year.
It's been a bit of an odd few weeks. Looking back at my Facebook memories the festive season used to be a (stressful) whirl of concerts, shopping, wrapping, parties and performances and with seven children I often felt like it was going to take an aisle full of mince pies to keep my energy up. Costumes, taxi-ing and of course being in the audience took hours of time and energy and I was usually very glad to see Santa's treat plate on the hearth signifying the end of all the "fun".
This year we've opted for a family Secret Santa scheme, run with frightening efficiency by my 19 year old daughter. The cost of everyone buying for all their siblings and partners seemed excessive so this system works, especially given that while some of mine have good careers, others are still students.
Of course I buy all the children a little something each as well but my days of stuffing stockings are over.
On the plus side, I don't have to wait up until everyone is asleep to check Santa has got all the correct presents in the right piles and I'm guessing I'll get a lie in too.
Only three of my children will be under my roof so I won't see the rest of them open the gifts I chose, but we are spending the day with my second eldest son and his partner and will do our Secret Santa reveal with six of my seven before tucking into what I know will be a fabulous meal that I haven't had to shop for, prepare or cook.
Our eldest is spending the day at home with his little family but I'm sure we will be able to video call and I can watch my over-excited 4-year-old grandson bounce around while his exhausted looking parents remind me that a calm, quiet Christmas with adult children is not necessarily a terrible fate.