Disastrous Dating

I can write this now. I am happily married and (fingers crossed) will never again have to go through the hell that is dating. Because looking back at my past experiences of dating usually ended up wishing I'd stayed home with a book and a packet of biscuits.

To be fair one of my most humiliating stories, back in my late teens, was not really my fault. I thought the flirting was going quite well.

Let me start from the beginning. I shared a flat with another girl. We were both single. I thought it would be amusing to answer some personal ads in the paper (pre-internet dating) on behalf of both of us.

So commenced an interesting few months of dating some nice, some not so nice and some downright odd blokes.

One man I really liked. He was an architect. Had his own hair and teeth and owned a real Barbour green wax jacket. (you probably need to be over 35 to understand that reference!)
I flirted with all my might and managed to win a second date. I was so excited. He seemed normal. And nice! Well, until he went a bit shifty and asked me to ask my flatmate for a date for him! Byeeee!

When I was in what we used to call the fourth year (year 9 now I think) I was not one of the cool kids. So imagine my surprise, no, strike that, astonishment, when a handsome fifth former asked me out via the medium of sending a mate over to ask my mate If I'd "go out with him"
It was my first real date. We went to McDonalds and everything. And I saw him for a couple of weeks. Until he confessed he had actually sent his mate over to ask the (also blonde) girl standing close to me out and his mate had asked the wrong girl. So what I ended up with was a pity date. And he did like me, but I wasn't one of the cool kids......

Then there was the bloke that forgot to tell me about his girlfriend and their three week old baby. And the bloke who in daylight (and when the gin had worn off) turned out not to be 5 years older than me but more like 25 years older!

I got lucky when I met my husband but to this day, 22 years on, I am amazed he took on such a high maintenance project.

The day I met him, after I helped him realise I was not actually interested in learning how to reverse balloon trailers (a story for another day) I blurted out the following information.
"I want to get married and have children and if you are not interested in either of those things in the very near future then please don't waste my time."
Bless him, he was brave enough to take me on a second date even after that ultimatum.

Though, as I'm typing this with him in the room with me he has just informed me that he was just keen to get his leg over, I bullied him into marrying me and it was only after about 16 years of being with me he learned to love me! HahahaHa-de-haha!
Happy ending!
  20th wedding anniversary celebration (2012) with our 7 children.

Even after marriage I enjoy the odd bit of harmless flirting. My most tragic effort was the time I met a rather handsome anaesthetist. DH was with me -I like to keep him on his toes...
I tried to go for a careless hair flick and a: "So, what's a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?" line.

Which might have worked if I had not been sat on an operating table, literally about to give birth, wearing an open backless polyester gown showing off my spine (and bum) to the handsome man who was about to perform the procedure which would numb my lower body for the op!
Needless to say the only bloke I ended up in bed with that night was my gorgeous newborn son!

I'd love to hear your worst dating stories - feel free to leave them in a comment below!

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